Friends With Benefits
by Fruits Of Passion
Summary: As their relationship progresses neither Rin or Nitori fully know how to define it, leaving them both feeling confused and unsatisfied. Rintori oneshot


_First Rintori story attempt_

…

Rin rolled onto his back, panting as he stared up at the bed above, Nitori turning so he was on his side, back against the wall as he watched the other push sweaty bangs off his forehead. Nitori found himself in an uncomfortable situation, usually Rin would lie next to the wall allowing him to slip away with minimal effort and climb into his own bed with little embarrassment, but not tonight. Tonight he was cornered.

Nitori sat up slightly, wondering why Rin felt the need to trap him, he knew he had to leave and yet now, more than anything, he just wanted to curl into Rin and fall asleep. He felt a hand against his back, unsure as to whether it was telling him to relax or giving him a gentle nudge on his way.

Not wanting to push his luck he crawled towards freedom, forcing himself to ignore the shimmer in Rin's maroon eyes as he straddled him.

"I'm going to bed now." He announced awkwardly, fixing his gaze on anything but the older boy underneath him.

"Of course you are." Rin muttered as he watched Nitori clumsily push himself off and land with a thump on the ground.

Nitori self-consciously scrambled around on the hard wood floor to gather the clothes that Rin had thrown in his passionate haze, he felt eyes on his bare body, watching his every movement. He quickly threw on his clothes and with what little dignity he had left he climbed up the ladder to his own bed.

Once in the safety of his bed he allowed himself a soft groan, letting his head drop into his pillow and silence out any more noises that escaped his lips.

For a while the pair remained in silence, to others they would believe them both to be sleeping, but Nitori knew better. He knew Rin would still be awake, eyes wide as he stared above, hiding his feelings behind his gruff mask.

"Nitori?" Rin's low voice asked right on cue, waiting for any form of response but he never received a word. Instead Nitori faked sleep, he always did.

He didn't open his eyes when he heard the bed springs click under Rin's weight, he didn't open his eyes at the shuffles of someone getting dressed, he didn't open his eyes when he felt breath against his face as Rin checked he slept. Only when he heard the door to their dorm slam did he let his eyes open, a few stray tears seeping out as he looked around his empty room.

…

The pounding of Rin's feet against the concrete seemed deafening, the only sound in the cold air besides his breathing. Every time Nitori's face appeared in his mind he forced his feet to go faster, every time he heard his moans in his ears, every time he imagined his soft touch until he was completely breathless.

He let his body flop down on the nearest bench, running his fingers through his damp hair, a frustrated groan escaping his lips. When he'd started this relationship with Nitori this wasn't what he'd been expecting.

He hadn't expected him jump out his bed as soon as they'd finished, he hadn't expected him to shy away from his touch whenever they weren't alone, he hadn't expected him to be so distant.

He'd expected that same devotion he'd received through friendship, only stronger, the same blush to his cheeks, the same twinkle in his eye but it never seemed to be that way.

Rin knew he'd initiated taking their relationship to the next level but he felt sure that the feelings were mutual, that Nitori craved more just like he did. But the longer it went on the more it seemed he was only participating because he could, not because he wanted to.

He didn't imagine Nitori to be so cold when it came to a romantic relationship, have such set boundaries that he would never allow to be crossed, fake sleep every time Rin tried to talk to him. Although he never called him on it he could tell instantly that it was an act, he'd had him fall asleep against him so many times he knew all his little mannerisms.

He knew true sleep would have taken him by the time Rin returned, he never planned to be gone too long but running released the stress and frustration he felt, the longer he ran the less likely he was to snap at the other boy.

He pushed himself off the bench and forced himself to run again, never back towards his dorm instead further into the dark night, further away from his pain.

…

Nitori walked down the street, his gaze focusing on anything but the sullen presence next to him, mindlessly chatting so the pair would never have to walk in silence.

He left a noticeable gap between them, more than would be usual between friends, almost as if they were trying to hide something. He supposed in a way they were, nobody knew that they're relationship went beyond the normal realms of friendship, he'd never told anyone and he was sure Rin would never have told anyone.

He felt Rin's arm brush against his own, feeling the heat radiating off his body as he closed the gap between them. Nitori wanted to step away, knowing a blush would be on his cheeks but surely that would make things more uncomfortable, draw more unwanted attention.

Suddenly Nitori felt his heart stop, his eyes widen, his stomach flutter. Rin had grabbed his hand as they walked, and not in the usual dragging him along way but in a more relaxed yet loving way.

His mind whirled madly from the contact, while Rin seemed completely unfazed by this action, if anything he noted a hint of a smile on his lips. Nitori found himself growing confused, he thought he knew what this was, they never held hands, never slept in the same bed, never kissed unless it was in the midst of passion. He'd come to terms with what he couldn't change, accepted that if he wanted Rin this is all he could expect from the other boy.

But now, with this simple gesture, he felt himself completely thrown, no longer sure where he stood in this relationship, was this his way of asking for a more public relationship or did he think this was normal friendship behaviour?

As they rounded a corner he noticed four figures waiting at the end of the street, explaining Rin's sudden want to keep tabs on Nitori, wanting to get to his friends quicker. He suddenly pulled his hand away in embarrassment, not wanting the others to see and guess his feelings. Rin reached for his hand again and pulled him closer, causing Nitori to stop abruptly, the red haired boy casting a confused look over his shoulder.

"I have to go." He said, eyes wide.

"What? Why?" Rin asked, eyes dropping to the hands that were now being torn apart.

"I remembered I need to buy something." He lied terribly, taking off down the street before it could raise any questions.

"Nitori!" Rin's voice shouted but he didn't stop.

Panic. That was the only way to describe how he felt right now. He knew he couldn't spend a whole day with the people who knew Rin best and pretend nothing was there, he was sure his true feelings were too blatant. If any of them teased the pair, no matter how light hearted it may be, the words would get to Rin and he'd end their already confusing relationship.

…

Rin watched as the silver haired boy ran from him, completely ignoring him as he repeatedly called for him. He'd recognised the look in the young boys eyes before he'd run away, no matter how hard he'd tried to hide it.

Terror. He had looked terrified at the prospect of spending the day with him, openly together for the first time.

Was Nitori that ashamed of what happens between them? That ashamed of who they become behind closed doors? That ashamed of the intimacy they shared?

He pushed Nitori to the back of his mind as he turned on his heel towards his friends, he wouldn't let it affect him. He'd forget the dent to his pride soon enough.

He joined his friends, quickly brushing off their questions at the abrupt leaving of the younger boy, as he tried to fully immerse himself in their company.

Wherever they went, however, he couldn't shake the look in Nitori's eyes, as much as he tried to push the blame on his own humility he knew it wasn't the truth. Instead, he realised, what hurt him the most was that he'd developed feelings for the boy and they appeared to be one sided.

He sat and ignored the constant chatter floating around him, all he could think about was Nitori, the boy seemed to plague his thoughts constantly no matter what he did. No matter how hard he tried push him to the back of his mind it never seemed to work.

Did he still think of Rin as just his elder? Whose wishes should always be met despite his own feelings? Was he only humouring him to avoid violence?

A fierce vibration across the table and Nitori's name flashing across the screen of his phone brought back some of the anger he felt. Why couldn't he just talk to him, why did he have to make him feel like he'd somehow wronged the other?

With a disgruntled groan he swiftly grabbed his phone, checking to see what he had to say to him.

_Sorry senpai, I'd forgotten I'd promised to call my mum, I didn't mean to run off like that. How about we watch a film tonight?_

Rin felt his fist tightening by his side in annoyance. Annoyed that Nitori had forgotten the lie he'd spewed earlier, annoyed that he'd reverted back to calling him senpai, annoyed that he thought he could fix everything by offering a film. But what annoyed Rin the most was the fact his heart fluttered slightly with the knowledge he wanted to spend time together without the need to explore the physical side.

He allowed a rare smile to grace his lips as he slipped the phone in his pocket, a smile that didn't leave his face for the rest of the day

…

Nitori had created a very awkward situation between the pair after he'd let himself kiss Rin last night. It wasn't a steamy, animalistic kiss with the promise of more to come that he knew Rin allowed, instead it was a tender, affectionate kiss that showed more emotions than acceptable. He'd got carried away with the film, sitting under the duvet together the moment had seemed right but now, in the cold light of day, he knew it was a mistake.

He was new to this type of relationship but he was sure that displays like that were against the rules, or at least Rin's rules, so he did what he always did when he messed up. He avoided Rin until the moment could be forgotten.

That morning he'd quickly got himself ready before Rin even had a chance to wake up, sprinting out the room as soon as he heard the beginnings of his alarm. He'd managed to keep himself busy all day, extra studying and work, spending time with friends he barely spoke to anymore, taking longer to walk back to his dorm just to ensure he didn't arrive until Rin was out on his nightly run.

Once inside his empty dorm he allowed himself an hour to complete any homework he needed for tomorrow then an early night before Rin returned, hoping that last night would be forgotten by tomorrow.

He felt his blood turn cold when he heard keys in a lock, Rin had returned early. In panic, Nitori did what he always did and faked sleep, letting his head drop to the desk and eyes flutter closed. He heard a sigh as Rin walked through the door, remembering to keep his breathing steady to keep from suspicion.

"Nitori." Rin said, slight pain in his voice but he couldn't open his eyes and comfort him, he had to commit to his act or cause more hurt.

He listened carefully to the sounds of footsteps getting closer to him, hoping Rin's resentment of yesterday would result in being ignored rather than woken. As he listened to his roommate's movements it seemed that luck was on his side and he appeared to be making his way back to the door rather than towards him.

As soon as he heard the door slam shut he allowed his eyes to open again, his breath being knocked out of him when he noticed Rin still stood in the room, hand placed firmly against the door.

Slowly Nitori pushed himself off the wooden desk, he knew he couldn't go on pretending he was happy but he didn't ever want to confront these feelings with Rin.

"Why do you keep doing this?" Rin snapped, breaking the silence between them.

"Doing what? I was sleeping and the sound of the door woke me." He fumbled, knowing his lie wasn't fooling anyone.

"I know you're faking." He shouted, walking the short distance between them. "I know you fake every god damn night! So why?"

Nitori stared into Rin's eyes, the blazing fury taking away his ability to speak. He wanted to tell him everything he felt but instead he couldn't bring his mouth to form the words.

"We finally get a hint of something between us last night then you go missing all day." He slammed his hand down on the desk causing Nitori to jump out of his seat. "Why are you acting like this?"

"Because I'm tired of us!" Nitori burst. "I'm tired with having to pretend I don't feel something for you, I'm tired with having to walk on egg shells every time I break one of your rules, I'm tired of it all being about you."

"About me? This isn't about me. You're the one who decided there were rules, you're the one who always keeps a distant, you're the one who runs every time something real happens." Rin scoffed, turning away from the younger boy.

"Well what did you expect? You're not exactly open with me, how am I meant to know what you want?" He questioned.

"You really want to know what I want?" Rin asked, Nitori nodding unsurely in response. "I want to be able to hold your hand when we're out without the fear that you'll run away, I want to be able to kiss you without getting ignored for it afterwards, I want to be able to hold you close after we make love instead of being left lying cold and shamed."

"I… I didn't know." Nitori whispered, stunned as he watched Rin's chest heaving with his breath.

"Yeah, well now you do." He barked, hating to appear vulnerable.

"Do you want to know what I want?" He asked, trying to catch the others eye.

"Sure." He shrugged, trying to hide his feelings.

"I want everything you just said." He slowly rose to his feet and walked over to Rin, lightly taking his hand in his own. "I don't want to keep this between these four walls anymore, I want a relationship."

Rin smiled quickly, scratching the back of his head with his free hand with a slight tinge to his cheeks. Swiftly ending his embarrassment Nitori rose up onto his feet, pressing his lips against the others and wrapping his arm around his neck. Smiling into the kiss as he felt Rin's arms snake around him and hold him close, held so tightly that he felt like he'd never be let go.

…

Nitori walked down the corridor at school, a permanent smile on his face as the strong scent of Rin seeped out of the jacket he'd borrowed with every step he took.

Last night, for the first time, he'd slept in Rin's embrace, not having to run away but instead being able to bask in the love that was shared between them, soft whispers late into the night, Rin's passion keeping him warm.

He'd woken up blissfully happy until he recalled it was mid-week and he had school to get ready for, reluctantly leaving the heat of the bed and stepping into the real world, but a world where they still existed together, no longer hidden away in the dark of the night.

He felt an arm wrap around his shoulders as a small blush crept onto his cheeks. Rin leant down and placed a kiss atop of the smaller boys head and pulled him closer, making it rather difficult for him to continue walking.

But Nitori didn't complain, he didn't have any reason to, for the first time, in a long time, he was truly happy. And when he snuck a look up at Rin and saw the smile on his face he knew the feeling was mutual.

…

_Hope you like it_


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